Teen dating violence: how to spot it and what to do

Many parents discover that something is wrong through small changes: your daughter stops seeing her friends, answers her phone anxiously or deletes conversations. At that age it is easy to confuse control with love, and teenagers themselves do not always recognise what is happening to them as violence. This guide helps you recognise the signs, know what to do at home and at school, and understand what legal response exists whether your daughter is the victim or your son is the one accused of being the abuser. The confusion between control and love draws on the myths of romantic love that we explain in symbolic violence.

Does the gender violence law apply to minors?

Yes. Organic Law 1/2004 on Comprehensive Protection Measures against Gender Violence (Ley Orgánica 1/2004, LO 1/2004) protects women against anyone who is or has been their partner or has been linked to them by a similar emotional relationship, even without living together. It does not set a minimum age for the victim. A teenage relationship can be included when it has a degree of stability, even if it is not a formal relationship or known to the families.

Dating relationships, the most common form of relationship in adolescence, carry significant weight in the overall figures: according to the Statistics on Domestic Violence and Gender Violence of the National Statistics Institute (Instituto Nacional de Estadística, INE) (year 2025, published on 30 April 2026), 40.8% of the women victims with precautionary measures or protection orders were girlfriends or ex-girlfriends of the accused. The figure refers to victims of all ages, but it shows that gender violence does not require marriage or living together.

Warning signs

Control and jealousy

• Demanding passwords, checking her phone or asking for her real-time location.
• Deciding how she dresses, who she talks to or what time she comes home.
• Jealousy over any friendship, including with girls.
• Disproportionate anger if she does not reply to messages immediately.

Isolation and belittling

• She stops seeing her friends or gives up activities she used to enjoy.
• Insults or humiliation “as a joke”, including in front of others.
• Mood swings, anxiety, falling school performance.

Cyberviolence

• Constant messages, threats or blackmail via social media.
• Pressure to send intimate photos or threats to share them.
• Fake profiles, spreading rumours or identity theft.

Cyberviolence: which conduct is an offence

To find out more, read our article on revenge porn and gender violence on social media.

What parents can do

1. Listen without judging. Phrases like “I told you so” or outright bans tend to make her shut down. Let her know it is not her fault.
2. Name what is happening. Explain to her that checking her phone or controlling who she goes out with is not love, it is control.
3. Preserve the evidence: screenshots, voice notes, messages and names of witnesses.
4. Seek specialist support. 016 is free and confidential, and the ANAR Foundation (Fundación ANAR), which specialises in children and teenagers, has the free helpline 900 20 20 10.
5. Consult a lawyer before acting if there are threats, assaults or images being shared, to decide when and how to report it.

Prevention starts before there is a problem: talking at home about healthy relationships, consent and responsible phone use is the most effective tool. You can use our guide on the early warning signs of gender violence.

What schools must do

Organic Law 8/2021 on the Comprehensive Protection of Children and Adolescents against Violence (LOPIVI) imposes specific obligations:

• All schools with pupils under 18 must have a Wellbeing and Protection Coordinator (Coordinador o Coordinadora de bienestar y protección, art. 35), who promotes training and coordinates cases requiring intervention.
• They must apply action protocols against violence (art. 34).
• Teachers have a qualified duty to report: if they notice signs of violence, they must report it immediately to social services and, if the minor’s safety is under threat, to the police or the Public Prosecutor’s Office (art. 16).

If the boyfriend attends the same school, you can ask for organisational measures (change of class, supervision during breaks) while the proceedings are resolved.

If your daughter is the victim

• The complaint can be filed by her, her parents or guardians, or anyone who knows about the events, with the Police, the Guardia Civil, the court or the Public Prosecutor’s Office. If there is also violence at home, read how gender violence affects children and how to protect them.
• If the abuser is an adult, the case is investigated by the Violence against Women Section of the Court of First Instance (Sección de Violencia sobre la Mujer del Tribunal de Instancia, formerly the Court for Violence against Women), which can issue a protection order (orden de protección, art. 544 ter of the Criminal Procedure Act (Ley de Enjuiciamiento Criminal, LECrim)) with a ban on approaching and communicating with her.
• To prove her status as a victim to services and for financial aid, in the case of minors official health documents reporting the matter to the Public Prosecutor’s Office or the court are also valid (art. 23 LO 1/2004).
• Her statement must be taken with the safeguards appropriate to a victim who is a minor, avoiding unnecessary repetition.

If your son is accused of being the abuser

If he is between 14 and 17 years old, Organic Law 5/2000 on the Criminal Responsibility of Minors (Ley Orgánica 5/2000, reguladora de la responsabilidad penal de los menores) applies. The proceedings are led by the Juvenile Prosecutor’s Office (Fiscalía de Menores) and decided by the Juvenile Section of the Court of First Instance. If he is under 14, he has no criminal responsibility and child protection measures apply (art. 3).

• Precautionary measures (art. 28): among others, supervised release, a ban on approaching or communicating with the victim, or living with another person or in an educational group setting.
• Final measures (art. 7): a ban on approach or communication prevents him from going near the victim, her home or her school; socio-educational tasks, supervised release or detention in a juvenile centre are also possible depending on the seriousness.
• In matters related to gender violence, reconciliation with the victim only has effect if she expressly requests it and the minor has completed the accessory measure of education in sexuality and equality (art. 19.2).

Your son is entitled to a lawyer from the very first moment. An early defence makes it possible to propose proportionate educational measures and, if the accusation does not stand up, to prove it. If he has already turned 18, the adult procedure will apply: see our page on legal assistance for detained persons.

Frequently asked questions

Can a teenage dating relationship be gender violence?

Yes. Organic Law 1/2004 includes emotional relationships even without living together and does not set a minimum age. A relationship with a degree of stability can be protected even if the families do not know about it. If the abuser is an adult, the Violence against Women Section has jurisdiction; if he is a minor, the juvenile justice system does.

Can a restraining order be requested against a minor?

Yes, although under another name. In the juvenile justice system, the Public Prosecutor’s Office can request, as a precautionary measure, a ban on approaching or communicating with the victim (art. 28 LO 5/2000), and the judge can impose it as a final measure in the judgment (art. 7). It covers the victim’s home and school.

Is it an offence to look at your partner’s phone?

Accessing another person’s messages or accounts without consent may constitute the offence of discovery and disclosure of secrets (art. 197 CP). If it is also part of a pattern of control or persistent surveillance that disrupts her life, it may amount to the offence of stalking or of habitual abuse.

What do I do if the school does not act?

Ask in writing for the protocol to be activated and for the Wellbeing and Protection Coordinator required by the LOPIVI to intervene. If your daughter is at risk, do not wait: report it to the Police, the Guardia Civil or the Public Prosecutor’s Office. Teaching staff have a legal duty to report signs of violence.

Whether your daughter needs protection or your son is involved in proceedings, acting early and with advice changes the outcome. You can contact us from our page on defending women who are victims or our page on cyberviolence and online harassment, or call 607 449 491, available 24 hours a day.